Suffering In Silence

The pain is from within, so I keep it to myself. I’ve kept it inside for this long and gotten by, that is how I continue to cope. Suffering in silence, that is how to choose to deal with – whatever this is. Don’t share it, don’t spread it, don’t complain about it, and damn well don’t show my weakness. I will “man up” and prove myself better than this on my own terms, my own way.

Up until 2008, this was my thought process about what I would later learn is OCD. According to the National Alliance of Mental Illness, 16 million Americans suffer from depression each year. And due to stigmas, many choose to do their suffering in silence. This is especially true for men. Once I began to let it out, at least open up about it, I started to understand the saying “Don’t bottle it up”.

Shhhh:

Shhhh – We just met and you’re shushing me. Forget all the hushing please. As much as you demand sir, I’m just looking for answers, do you say anything other than…

Shhhh – Oh, here we go again. I’ll have to hide you from my friends. See this is not how we do things, I just want to do things, instead I’ll stay in to listen to…

Shhhh – Welp, there goes that then. How bout you write it down with sheets and pen. I see you’re gonna make angry here, the only one that’s in my ear, and all from you I hear is…

Shhhh – Damn it yo, there’s gotta be something else. Can I just please let out a cry for help? I don’t want to be contained, all my thoughts are in a frame, and my brain is playing games with…

Shhhh – Say it just one more time. I double dare you dog I’ll kill your shine. If this is all you have to bring, then it’s goodbye you’ll have to sing, cuz I won’t listen to a thing…

Wait, You didn’t shhhh me now. Suffering in silence yeah I hear your vow. You listen better than I thought, more than most that I have sought, you sort of get me so I’ll hold it in and shhhh.

Silent But Deadly:

The surroundings are so peaceful here. But in my head, things just aren’t so clear. There’s no directions, just confessions. All together in this section. But on the outside none of the peace feels near.

Stupid is but stupid won’t. I tell myself I can and then I don’t. Can’t even gather up a thought today. I think I can and then we fought to say – My thoughts are way and way and way astray.

Is it me or me that holds me back. I’m contemplating bout that facts on facts. I know what I should do, but if not me then tell me who. Because I know that I will listen, suffering in silence just brings me right back.

Back to where I started from. Come on man just say some. Get it out your mind and off your chest, maybe just maybe it’ll bring what’s best. I’m afraid its more of less so I beat at a figurative drum.

I’m just gonna let it out. I release it with a shout. The shout is in my head, put it to rest and go to bed, but instead… I keep it in when I could let go. Don’t disturb the peace or dull it’s glow. So I’ll just keep it in my mind, make it cute with a rhyme. But in time… keeping it bottled up, it’s sure to blow.

Suffering In Silence:

Not at a party but here’s a party foul. I spilled the beans and now there all around. It spreads and spreads and spreads and spreads, or else it’s all just in my head, but I decided to share it with you instead.

You didn’t laugh so that’s a plus. I keep spilling because its a must. Not sure if you really understand, you give advice and then demand, I change for the good of this man.

Yeah, you’re right, great, you get me yo! I shoulda shared a long time ago. Suffering in silence has me guessing, along with that there’s all the stressing, second guessing where my mess is.

Here it is the mess is me though. It’s you too, you told me so. We’re the same but yet so different, we can share and we both get it, I feel accomplished we just did it.

But I’m sure I’ll get back around. Don’t want to bore, don’t want to bring you down. Suffering in silence is my thing, eventually I’m sure to sing, but only when my cup overflows with more… beans.

Suffering In Silence – A Collection Of Thoughts Out Loud:

Thanks for reading. Sometimes I get the urge to rhyme so this feels like a good release. Don’t want to bottle it up you know. Unless it’s barbecue sauce or it’s honey mustard, bottle that up and pour it over whatever.

Let me know if you found this helpful. I am curious to hear your spin. Leave a comment or find me on Twitter @UghOCD or Instagram @brentleybigkid.