Music Therapy – What better way to block out all the noise? All of the noise OCD has to offer. According to Musictherapy.org, Music Therapy is an established health profession in which music is used within a therapeutic relationship to address physical, emotional, cognitive, and social needs of individuals.
Well shit, I have been in a therapeutic relationship with music since we first met. And when I think back on how therapeutic music is in my recovery with obsessive compulsive disorder, a lightbulb brightens. Music is there for me physically, emotionally, cognitively, and socially. I think I’ve always known this, but now Imma break it down for myself. And maybe you can relate as well.
Music Therapy: Physical
OCD has gotten the best of me in the gym, or at home, during a workout. Not often, since I feel a bit more control during a good workout, but it has once or twice. Or three times. Or four. Well… maybe a little more but you smell what this rock is cooking. I consider to have the advantage during a workout is what I am getting at.
I also think my chances of a win do go down slightly with the absence of music. And consider the chances even better in favor with music, any music. My music of choice and I’m putting money on me. Crank up the volume and I’m really feeling myself. Let it flow through my earbuds, insert ‘mind blown’ emoji. That’s my music therapy, and in the gym, I feel like the champion.
I would think my OCD considers the gym and music as some of my top allies. Good for me, not so much for it. Because that’s when I search for the win and they both are my support.
Music Therapy: Emotional
I am an emotional dude and I’m good with that. It helps my creativity. I also believe OCD takes advantage of it. Good thing for music therapy and the ability to swing my feelings back on track with the appropriate playlist. Music has the ability to take you back, forward, side to side and to the electric slide.
With this ability comes great soundtracks to your day. The ups and downs can be mingled with a score of your choosing. And without a technical background of a musical engineer. We simply grab a collection of favorite tunes appropriate for whatever the occasion. Voila, you’re making the day’s playlist, sometimes without hardly a thought.
When my OCD wants to take advantage of an emotion, I know that I can rely on music to either combat it or drown it out. If I want to stay in a mellow mood, maybe because it fits the mood to what I am currently writing, I might keep the slower songs playing to challenge OCD. Or I can switch tempo completely with a click on the latest club re-mix of my choosing.
Music therapy can be what we make of it. Now bump the sounds a little louder.
Music Therapy: Cognitive
This is where OCD lives. It challenges my knowledge of everything, uses my memory against me, and completely shuts out reason. Which is how it gets it power over any of us OCDoers. Ugh OCD! And when it gets a good grip, reason is tossed aside, knowledge is questioned, and memory of how to win seem to be forgotten.
Music is therapy for this too. It signals a click for me. Whether a clever beat or inspirational lyrics, a wave of clicks go into battle with a head nod on rhythm. I can hear OCD’s reply as soon as it hears it – “Ugh musical geniuses”.
Just like a familiar song can take you back to another time where joy was shared between each other. A familiar melody can take you back to a sweet memory, knowledge of self, and reasoning.
I can play 3 different snippets of a song and make 3 different faces based on my cognitive feeling. Meaning music gets it, it gets me. I also see why my OCD tried to destroy that friendship before I began recovery. Music used to also be a giant trigger for me. I would want to listen and get in my groove, but compulsions ruled me. Feeling forced to constantly repeat by rewinding due to intrusive thoughts during questionable lyrics. I realize how clever and persuasive both can be.
Socially Challenged:
And this is where OCD has held me back before in two different ways.
Masking:
I am a people person, I am a sharer. So it used to hurt to mask who I really am in front of friends and family. OCD would invite fear and shame to the party whenever in a social scene. My OCD was so bad at one point that I could never be in the moment. I constantly resided with my compulsions to undo any and all intrusive thoughts.
Out in a crowd, I would need to hide these compulsions due to fear and shame. No one would understand my quirks, so my quirks were replaced with mental compulsions. Mental compulsions kept me in my head when I should be enjoying good company. Which means I was not listening, or focusing, or smiling. If I was smiling, it was a mask.
A few things would help. Drinking – a mask too, and music – my good ol pal. Yes, please, play those tunes. Me and music, versus OCD, fear, and shame. The numbers might not show it, but the odds just got better.
Avoidance:
But masking so much led to avoiding people in general. I couldn’t always fit music of my choice into the scene, nor drinking at that. So, I stayed home, a lot. Fear of the shame would get the best of me.
I couldn’t allow others to discover my compulsive quirks. That would lead to questions. Questions which wouldn’t have a reasonable explanation, even if it meant telling the truth. I know, my OCD doesn’t make sense to me either. But in the moment, it controls, and manipulates more sense then it should. The truth would also reveal my intrusive thoughts. I wasn’t ready to explain magical thinking. Therefore I took the guilt and suppressed it.
My guilt, my shame, my fear, my compulsions, my magical thinking, and my OCD, led to avoiding.
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An Ally:
Music is very important to me, that is clear. It is a bigger ally than I think I even know. My love for music can be seen in my writing, and in my daily activities. The fact that it stands up against my OCD makes us friends.
Let me know if you found this helpful. I am curious to hear your spin. Leave a comment or find me on Twitter @UghOCD or Instagram @brentleybigkid.
