What are intrusive thoughts. Healthline explains it as “thoughts that seem to become stuck in the mind. They can cause distress, as the nature of the thought may be upsetting. They may also reoccur frequently, which can make the concern worse.” That’s honestly putting it nicely.
To someone with OCD, we run with these thoughts that seem disturbing or violent. Whether it is violence, disturbing, obscene or offensive, we tend to fail at shaking these off with reason. These intrusive thoughts seem so unacceptable and impede from out of nowhere, that we question its purpose. Unable to dismiss it as just a thought, we draw anxiety from it and milk it dry. More like it milks us dry.
It begins to rob us of our own power. Us OCDoers then develop compulsions to combat the thinking instead of chalking it up as a random thought. We then become intrusive thinkers. Even when we go a while without obsessively acting on our compulsions, we trigger the intrusive thoughts behind them anyway. This is what I hate to call intrusive thinking.
Where we question our thoughts so much that we trigger more intrusive thoughts to show face. The difference is that one comes from out of nowhere, the other is practically invited in.
Intrusive Thoughts:
So what, right? I thought of rear naked choking a complete stranger. I didn’t actually do it, or even attempt to act on it. So why am I questioning if there is something wrong with me? And why am I now acting on these strange compulsions to prove I’m a good person. Or, my compulsion is to battle my magic thinking of my brother losing his lunch money to the unknown bully who puts him in a rear naked choke. Yeah, this is the shit us OCDoers do.
All reason escapes us as these intrusive thoughts impede our daily activities. For some reason, we have to battle these intrusive thoughts instead of letting reasoning in to battle for us. It is then a loop of anxiety that spins us off our own axis. And now the things that deserve our attention get very little of it – because random randomness.
Intrusive thoughts don’t shake off easily. Consider the difference: During a work meeting you think “Octopus for lunch?” – Yuck, no, and we easily dismiss. Or an intrusive thought about your work boss’ “dangle in his worn down boxer briefs” – not that easy.
Why think about his dangle when we should be focusing on this meetings info. Minutes go by, you’ve missed important information and the only thing you’ve reciprocated is that you really don’t care about the boss’s dangle. Yet, we’re still thinking of it, the thought pops up randomly again with an image, and we’re not focused.
With OCD, we dissect the thought a little more as if it has meaning or we don’t want the consequence of said thought. We recall it later so that we can combat it with compulsion. We then invite intrusive thinking in because of all the attention we’ve given it.
Intrusive Thinking:
We are creative, so we begin to spin even the good thoughts into intrusive thoughts. Us OCDoers are so bothered by these unwanted thoughts that we become susceptible to more and more attempts. A big trigger for me used to be doorways. In or out of a room, house, or building – there would be a good chance for an intrusive thought to stop me in my tracks. The compulsion would be to retry without an intrusive thought or a much more pleasing thought.
My intrusive thinking is the trigger actually. I had gotten so accustomed to my mind being racked by doorways, that the anticipation invited it on in anyway. I could be all smiles, nothing bothering, see the door ahead, and right on entry – THUMP! My noggin would be flicked with an intrusive thought.
Ugh OCD! This type of intrusive thinking makes the disorder a nightmare. Because you feel like you can’t win, you feel like you’re not in control. But not all thoughts are meant to be controlled. They come and go, it’s us that makes them stick. It’s us that turns the intrusive thoughts into intrusive thinking.
In order for recovery to be affective, it’s now time to revert them back – to just thoughts.
One Is Natural, One Is A Disorder:
Everyone deals with intrusive thoughts. Some are just better at shaking them off compared to others. That’s the difference between them and those that engage in intrusive thinking. We harp so much about it, that we let it negatively impact how we react. That’s how it becomes obsessive.
And how do we react? With compulsions and anxiety – anxiety that pushes us to compulsive behaviors. This takes us into that loop, it’s our attempt at relief – obsession, anxiety, compulsions, relief, back to the next obsession. This is the disorder, and it cycles through these actions for intrusive thinkers.
We become tricked into thinking that the relief portion is real. It’s not, it’s only temporary. And the worst part, it has everything to do with flipping intrusive thoughts into intrusive thinking.
But there is real relief in recovery. Recovery means sacrificing that temporary relief for a more sustainable relief. It starts with avoiding compulsions, that is where we think we gain that temporary relief.
We can do it – We got this!
Free to subscribers
Let me know if you found this helpful. I am curious to hear your spin. Leave a comment or find me on Twitter @UghOCD or Instagram @brentleybigkid.
