How Moving Is A Game Changer (For My OCD And Me)

Let’s talk about triggers. Moving from our house to rent a townhome in a new state screams TRIGGERS! From our biggest memory maker to uncharted territories. Let’s also mention our leap of faith where we leave job security to chase this vision we have. As one who has suffered with OCD for so long, I don’t even recognize myself. This is a serious game changer.

Even in recovery I’m super sensitive to triggers. As a result means more opportunity to prove to myself that compulsions do not have to rule over me. The moving process is already a headache, one that invites all of my triggers to the party. So if I were to let OCD host this event, we’re talking major compulsion hangover.

But I have to remember – Change is good, and very necessary if I want the growth I seek. Change is also scary, especially for us OCDoers. The obsession is to play everything safe, so I’m constantly being reminded of how reckless I am becoming. You call it ‘reckless’ OCD, I call it ‘opportunity’.

All Of The Triggers:

I know me, I know the triggers that give me the biggest hang ups. Trash is possibly the hardest one for me. That is why I hoard, and though my wife is not OCD, she will tell you she hoards shit too. So why would we decide to downsize? How could we physically do it?

Not easily – Surprisingly a very difficult task. I would estimate that we got rid of at least 40% of what held space in our house. Either through selling, donating, or… dare I say it… trashing. The inside of our house received a total makeover and only after the fact, did it feel good. During was a fucking nightmare.

To throw away items that held memories drew ugly tears. To not reach back into that trash to retrieve said items was excruciating. We parted ways with meaningful possessions. Even parting ways with un-meaningful things made this such a process. Consequently, my OCD screamed at me from the jump. Feelings of throwing away a piece of myself flooded in.

To be honest, isn’t that what change is, what growth is? Shedding a piece of self to allow a better piece of self to enter. That’s a game changer. There were times when I walked away from the trash and stopped in my tracks. Receiving an ear full from my OCD to walk back and take back what is mine. I stood in the middle of the street on trash day, not moving a muscle, but in full battle. Swinging my swords, while this monster swings words. I would walk away feeling like I lost.

Not until the trash was gone would I be able to pat myself on the back. While OCD pities and shames me. The game is changing OCD, to one we can actually win!

How Moving Is A Game Changer:

So now we are here. We are in a new state, with new surroundings, but that same voice lingers in my head. I didn’t expect it to leave nor do I want it to… yet. We may seem like hardheaded foes, but I want OCD’s respect. This way, I believe, we can become allies and propel these goals of mine.

You know, goals – the dreams that anxiety jumps in front of only to push way back to the back while placing unwanted obstacles for OCD to tag in, wrestling me to the ground for the pin. Ugh OCD!

But here’s the game changer. These obstacles are not ‘unwanted’, they are necessary. Any and all goals have obstacles, and the more there are, the more ‘worth it’ it is. Moving is an anxiety feast. As a result, provides a plethora of obstacles to overcome. For someone who has been owned by it in the past, I am now demanding OCD’s respect.

I don’t want to shy away from it’s challenges. I want to accept with my chest puffed out, knowing that the goals just got sweeter. Change is growth, whether it be by nickel-and-diming or stacks-on-stacks – We got this!

A Dollar And A Dream:

I’m tired of being all talk. My biggest gripe about my OCD is that it does not allow me to take action. To take actions of my choosing, because I think it’s best for me and my family. Let OCD tell it, and I’m an idiot for having dreams – Goals that I want to accomplish.

My wife and I have talked about moving since we met. Virginia is the only home she knows, and the first place to feel like home for me since Ohio (2003). We have become very comfortable. We held great jobs within the same company where we met. We’ve purchased two homes that mean a lot to us. Not to mention our family and friends are easily accessible.

I quit my job a year ago, and my wife is doing the same to chase this vision we have. We could very well be content exactly where we were, but content is not the game. The game changer for us is that we are in pursuit of something we think is greater. I’m a starving artist chasing my dream of being a professional writer. My wife has her goals too and wants us in a better situation where we can achieve this.

We’ve made this decision, putting it into motion. A decision we should be proud of. I’m tired of just talking, I’m in take-action-mode.

The Real Game Changer Is Within:

I don’t necessarily always know what I’m doing. New stuff is new to me. What I do know, is that OCD has held me back for too long. I have tested myself before and this one is really testing all of us now. If we can do this, achieve what we are seeking, it makes us better right?

I keep telling myself – the best thing for me is to conquer my OCD. The best thing I can do for my family is to provide the best version of me. We cannot do this if I keep giving in to the demands of this monster. The biggest game changer comes from within.

Compulsions really take a piece of me each time I give in. The better pieces at that. I’ve been hoarding OCD, and with each change I feel it chipping away, for the better. Game Changer!

Let me know if you found this helpful. I am curious to hear your spin. Leave a comment or find me on Twitter @UghOCD or Instagram @brentleybigkid.