How To Procrastinate Your Ass Off

Oh, you want to procrastinate do ya? Great, you’ve come to the right place again. Here, we teach you how to procrastinate your ass off like a boss, and look cool doing it too. Awesome sauce! Let’s jump right in.

Other classes currently available also: How To OCD Your Ass Off.

Class Is In Session:

Alrighty, go ahead and take your seat. Swiftly please, we haven’t got all day. Any seat actually, the choice is yours. Not that one though, you don’t want to sit at the front of the class. That will trigger a little more productivity then you would like.

How about that one, way in the back? I know, I know what you’re thinking. You came here to learn and you are the only student in attendance. Look, do you want to learn to procrastinate or nah?

Alright then, you may take your seat and we will begin with lesson one shortly. See that wasn’t so hard. Phew, we’re already rolling quickly here. That was exhausting, don’t you agree? Let’s go ahead and push up nap time. We’ll set an alarm too so that we make sure we get right back to it.

Snoozing Is Your Friend:

Um, excuse me? Who is the one handing out lessons here? You are correct, it is me. Wow, you got an answer right before we even went over that chapter. As a result, you’ve earned a few more snoozes. I’ll even do you a solid and let you know when we can stop snoozing. Those six minute intervals of barely sleeping are priceless. Enjoy them, you’ve earned it.

How To Procrastinate Your Ass Off:

Good job by the way. That minor snooze fest will do a number on this newly learned skill you are seeking. But it is time we’ve move past this approach and really dive in to lesson one. After all, you are attending to learn. Let’s get on with it, chip-chop.

First, I want you to make a list. Whoa, whoa, WHOA – Where did you get that pen? There are no pens allowed in this class, no way. When I said make a list, I meant for you do it in your head. Not on paper. Phew, that was a close call. You are signed up for the ‘how to procrastinate’ class correct? I ask because, by the looks of it, you’re trying to be a bit productive. Not in the class.

Oh, and if you do happen to write down your list, like a to-do list outside of the class, this is how you properly do it. Jot it down on a single piece of paper and put it out of sight. Out of sight, out of mind, that’s what I always say. But no planners, yuck – Your procrastinating will take a dip with one of those.

How To Procrastinate Your Ass Off Continued:

Where were we? Ah, yes, making a list. Pen down, paper burned, you want to try and just remember all the things that you want to accomplish. No reminders, no notes, you want to prove to yourself that you’ll remember them and prioritize them as needed. By the way, if its important, you’ll get to it. If not, maybe it wasn’t that important. Yeah, that makes sense.

So, on your list, think of all the things you want to accomplish. Try to think of them in order of importance. When you come across one that really needs your attention, mentally mark it in your top 3. The least important, put it in your bottom 3. I want you to make a list of at least 20 things. You know the saying, ‘the more the merrier’ – Classic.

Sleep on it if you need to. If you can only think of 10 things, well that won’t quite cut it. Take another nap, you know, a refresher for the mind. Then when you do get your list of 20, you’re golden.

Keep It Up, You’re Doing It – Nothing:

Right, let us carry on. You have goals correct? Good for you, I can tell you’re a go-getter. Oh man, someday, you’re gonna meet those goals. All of them, I see it in those eyes. If you want to be someone who meets all of their goals, then set the bar low. That way failure is less likely an option.

Oh yeah, the list, we’re getting to it. So, you have your top 3 and bottom 3. The ones that fall between, we’ll get to those later. We need to first locate the low hanging fruit. Those ones are key, that will give our list some checks, which is aesthetically appealing. The quick and easy, do those first.

Those harder tasks, the ones that’ll take some time, but mean more to your goals – Those can wait. You don’t want to approach those and still have a long list of shit to do. Absolutely not. You won’t be able to give it the attention it deserves.

Complete small and work up to the bigs. Yeah, that sounds like sound advice.

How To Procrastinate Your Ass Off – More Nothingness:

By the way, the small tasks, the easy ones, those keep coming back. So you’re going to have to be on it. I mean really on top of it. Keep at those until they are all taken care of. When that small opportunity opens up to work the big stuff, that’s when you put it into crunch mode. You’ll have to haul ass because you know the small stuff is going to creep it’s little head again. It’s inevitable.

You got an hour to work on your top 3? Awesome, use 15 minutes for a nap. This is so you’ll be fresh. Then use those other 45 minutes to first, make sure there are no more small tasks. Second, well, what are you waiting for, crunch mode honey.

How To Procrastinate Your Ass Off Even More:

Come on, get to it. You have about 30 minutes to work on bigs. That’s about the same amount time as a normal tv show. Now, I know what you’re thinking. You’ve been working so hard on the small stuff, you haven’t gotten to the big 3 yet or even had time to watch tv.

You told me you have goals. You’ll get to them. Wait, the season finale, yikes. You are correct. If you don’t watch it now, all of the spoilers will find you later. Well, get on getting on with it. 30 minutes remember. It’s like it was meant to be.

Good thing we accomplished all the low fruit-stuff. Yeah, you can thank me later, but for now, pay attention. This is the best part of the show so shhhh.

That Ugh Feeling:

I don’t know about you, but that episode was amazing. No spoilers for you. The best part too – there were no small tasks in your way. Go ahead with your bad self. And the small stuff that just crept back up, you’re equipped to knock em all out the park now.

Feel free to check forums for people talking about the finale and then back to it. Social media is a good place to start, then back to it. Wait, you gotta eat, and then back to it. Clean, don’t forget that, and then yah… back to it. Ugh, that was a lot. Let’s resume lesson one later. Great start by the way, great start. Ass is officially off – good luck on quitting now.

Let me know if you found this helpful. I am curious to hear your spin. Leave a comment or find me on Twitter @UghOCD or Instagram @brentleybigkid.